Kundalini Coaching

See other posts that led up to this here, here, and here.

Sara is doing really well. She is not fully back on track, but in my opinion has come miles in a few short weeks. Yes, magical instantaneous healings are possible, but are usually few and far between. And often when they do happen, there is usually a backsliding of sorts as the old patterns return. Working with kundalini and stuff takes time, patience and commitment to doing what needs to get done, often without knowing where it will all end up.

The reason Sara is doing well is not because of any pill she's taking. It's because she's making the commitment to herself to walk through the steps, bit by bit, hour by hour. She realizes that I can give her tons of information and ideas about what to do. She knows that I (and others) can be present and a witness to hold her hand, share our expertise....but that in the end she is going to have to do the stuff that will heal her.

It's kinda like training for a sport...or learning a new job. Do you expect that your college professor is going to do all the work for your presentation that's due next Thursday? Or that if you don't practice how to get a ball into the hoop that you will be able to join the pro team? No...you do the work to get where you need to go. While it's nice to have guides, in the end, our individual healing work is our work. No one can save us. And Sara knows this...which is why she is a delight to work with.

When I think of Sara's adventure, I can't help but smile at how things work in life. Her situation is no different than tons of others I've encountered, both with myself and others. Golly, I wish I could say that the universe is a fluffy, fuzzy place. But it's not. This convergence of physical stuff and outward situations seem to conspire to do a great job of flipping us out. I'm not sure if it's some magical something (well, actually in my worldview I am...but not empirically sure) going on "out there," or if because we are physically weaker, the outer stuff just affects us more. Could be both. But I do know that whatever the cause, generally it feels as if our whole world is disintegrating and that we will surely never recover from this hell.

Being a practical sorta Tantrika, I approach my coaching from a four pronged program: mind, body, spirit and emotions. All are all worked with because they all affect each other and overlap.

Some basic suggestions to work through this stuff..some will resonate with some people, some not...pick and choose:

For the body:

-Make sure you are eating healthily...this means listen to your body. I'm not a one diet fits all advocate, primarily because it doesn't seem logical to me, partly because my impulses for eating change with time. In other words, I don't think everyone does well being any sort of "-arian." Some people need meat. Some need grains. Some do best with raw foods. Just listen to your body...when you're tuning into what it really wants, it will tell you what it needs and will feel happy and grounded. If your food is not real food..for instance if you think you want lots of McDonalds or sugar, you might want to tune a little more with how your body really feels- not your addiction and need to bury emotions.

- avoid alcohol and caffeine (green tea caffeine is OK, cuz it's got other stuff in it) during this period

-drink tons of water

-I'm not sure if the symptoms of kundalini are from the actual energetic movement or from it meeting blocks in the body (I resonate with the second theory). So...my suggestion is always to get bodywork done: massage, acupuncture, Energetic Chiropractic work (such as Network Chiropractic, or those who use Applied Kinesiology along with adjusting...amazing results with this). Some people respond to energy workers, for example: Reiki, Barbara Brennan practitioners and others. Others don't. Explore, cuz you won't know until you try it.

-walk, exercise, do yoga, pilates or Nia, or anything to get the energy moving

-Crawl around on the floor. This stimulates both sides of the brain and realigns the nervous system, grounding you

-take a shower while envisioning all the energy moving out of your body and being carried away with the water

For your emotions:

-Find a therapist who understands this stuff. Go to them. Regularly. Do not go to someone who therapizes by nitpicky and long term analysis of the past and/ or trying to figure others out. Find someone who only uses that stuff temporarily to identify the block as an ah-ha informational tool, then quickly moves on to what to do to shift it. Wallowing in the past and stuff you cannot control does not serve you. It makes no difference in the now, changes nothing, accomplishes nothing, keeps you stuck and assumes that you have no power to heal yourself in the now. This is not about burying or pretending things aren't what they are...be conscious, choose to embrace it, thank it, then choose to move on

-Allow your Victim Voice full reign for a rant, then thank it, and tell it it's purpose is done now. If it persists- thank it again, then laugh at it (sometimes repeatedly). It will eventually get bored and move on. But watch for it, as it's insidious. Its tricksy nature makes so much sense, but in the end it merely provides us with excuses to stay small and safe, to feel "right" and "unfaired against." And while a good whine is an important aspect of life, staying there will kill you. Treat it like a destructive little puppy. Remember always that the Victim Voice has an investment in keeping alive. It's the Voice with the most power because it keeps you stuck, makes sure you don't heal, all to stay alive. Don't demonize it, just thank it and let it go.

-Be Gentle With Yourself. Remember that this takes time...you will get frustrated with yourself at the two steps foward/one step back pace of it. Don't make issue of it (cuz it's the Victim reigning and keeping you back). Some days you will feel great, then the next you will inexplicably collapse. Accept the process. Just breathe and feel and be with it. Your new Mantra: "This, too, shall pass."

-Remember that we all tend to get stuck, not from the feelings themselves, but rather the feelings about the feelings. In other words...I can be in great pain, but it's the story I put on the situation, the person, everything that creates the greater pain and keeps that pain alive. I keep re-looping it, trying to understand it. Just feel it...where does it live in your body? Trust me...if you are still in pain around anything, no matter how miserable you think you are feeling, you're not going to the pure essence of the emotion...you're holding on somewhere, somehow. I promise that the total embracing of the actual feeling is nowhere as painful or long term as the fear we put around really feeling it. Once you go to that place, you will feel relief.

This is not easy work. I've been doing this shit for decades and swear to god, just last week I finally felt where, exactly in my body, I've been holding tons of the stress of this past four years. I felt the block, breathed into it and started getting strong kriyas (strong energetic flows that often result in a jerky movement). Since that realization, I've been much more cognizant of when the stress hits me and I'm able to catch the shutting down before I add to the block. I feel much more kundalini moving through my body again like in the olden days...I'm way more alive than I have been in four years. And it shows.

-Depression and "stuckness" is common for all of us. If you feel depressed, thank it because it's trying to tell you something important. Use it as a tool. In my wanderings, I've discovered that depression is usually about rage turned inward or not telling the truth to oneself about something ( they are often connected). My suggestion to everyone who is depressed or feels stuck in any way? Get a tennis racket (and only a tennis racket will do...I've tried other things and no go) then beat the bed with it. Do multiple sessions..and if you aren't screaming and crying, you're not getting to a place of healing. If you aren't feeling it at first, just continue, try to go blank and go into your body and you will eventually get there.

One thing to watch for: If you are really invested in being a "nice person," this may take some time, especially when the instructions are to imagine beating those you feel unfaired against to a bloody pulp, screaming how much you hate them. Yes, this practice is a huge leap for The Nice People. I understand that sometimes maintaining the vision of ourselves as "good" is so core that we will hold onto our anger/rage and kill ourselves rather than be fully alive and "bad." I promise you that if you embrace your "bad"..not acting on it outside your bedroom tennis racket activities, mind you...that the cloud of depression will lift and the sun will shine. Maybe not the first time...but the deeper you go and allow all of you, the more you will find increased aliveness and a greater compassion and love for the imaginary beat-ee(s).

-realize that sometimes that long term emotional patterns can become physical..and that sometimes we need help with rerouting our negative feedback loop. Find an EFT or NET practitioner. Good stuff.

-Ask yourself if you think you might be addicted to pain. We all have a vibration level that we return to because it's familiar. Just like any substance abuse, we can be addicted to feeling miserable, get lost in it. The first step is to identify what's going on. Then find a coach to ease you through the realizations and choose Life and happies.

For Your Mind-

-See lots of the stuff under "For The Emotions" above, as they are often connected. We think a thought, which triggers an emotion, which leads to another thought which leads to more emotion and on it goes in endless looping. Then we get caught in the story of all of it. You have got to quiet the mind, retrain it, even if in only tiny steps. So....

-Do Micropractices of quieting the mind. This is also connected to the Spirit aspect. Do mini meditations throughout the day. This is the primary, simplest, most effective thing you can do for yourself on any level because it shifts EVERYTHING. Its simplicity fools us every time. It's free, and can cure all this stuff. All of it. Just. Do. It. Don't try to understand why it works, just do it. Take 3-10 deep breaths, taking the time to clear your mind as best you can and focus on the Now of your breath fully. You can do this while standing in lines, sitting in meetings, at your desk, watching TV, doing yoga, cooking, making love, taking a dump. Do it at least once every hour, hopefully more. If you forget, don't make a story of it or how you can't do it. Simply Start Again. I cannot stress enough the power of this process and how over time, it will change your life in ways you can't believe possible. Be patient and just keep it up. It took you years to get to where you are now, don't expect to be a total blissbunny 24/7 in two weeks...or two years. Be gentle with yourself, start focusing on the breath again, but just do it. Now. (are you doing it now or merely reading...take a short break and do it!)

-Get sweetly, gently, compassionately but brutally honest with yourself. Ask yourself without anger or blame: are you more invested in being "right" about stuff (like all the justifications for your victimhood and pain; not doing things to shift yourself "because this silly stuff doesn't work;" etc.) than finding inner peace and joy? We always have a payoff of some sort for everything we be/do, even holding onto our pain. Sometimes what we find out about ourselves isn't pretty and it's "safer" to stay blind. I understand..I've gone eeeuww about myself more than twice. Again...what's more important..."rightness" or life? Are you willing to do anything and everything to at least try and be alive...even let go of everything you think you know? No right answers. Just choice.

-Start to recognize all the things you have to be grateful for. Remember that even though it seems like there is tons of pain and anguish on the planet, wellbeing abounds in far greater numbers than the ickies. The sun rises, the flowers grow. Babies are born, you have food, you have running water, someone(s) who cares about you (and will be there for you if you allow them in). Being grateful tricks the mind and magically gets it focusing on a path other than the pain.

For Your Spirit

-Find a Spirit Path, hopefully one that enlivens and honors Life and Love in all its forms. I'm sorry Mr. Marx...religion (spirituality) may be the opiate of the masses...but in my book who gives a flying fuck if those who find it are happy....were you?

Find your answers to The Big Questions in life, no matter what form they may take-science, paganism, wherever you want to find your place in the universe. It will help.

-Figure out a way to make this positive. Turn it around and find the gifts, even if they are elusive (this is where a good coach can come in...to remind us of the gifts). If you are a business person and love challenge, approach this the same way. See the possibilities and all you will have learned when it's over, the tools you will be able to take forward. See this catapulting you to even higher places than you've ever been before.

-Learn to not take things so personally. Let the other go, understanding that they are at least as fucked up as you are and in lots of pain. Diffuse their power over you, the power you gave them. Come to understand that you are both just in a Dance together to become "more" of who you are. See the others (your ex, the hated boss, the person who has grievously wronged you) as a Teacher.

-Shift your questioning from "Oh, GAWD...why MEEEEEEE?" to "Hm...this is interesting...wonder what I'm creating here?"

-Cultivate trust....trust in the process, trust in your healing, even when the cumulative effects might not yet be fully apparent. This stuff works subtly, quietly..no fanfare here. It sneaks up on you.

-Breathe, breathe, breathe. Do the micopractice mentioned above. Just. Do. It.

-Forgive yourself/be gentle with yourself for falling off the Path. Remember that your whole life is Now and that Now always exists to begin again, no worries. (...even after four years of spinning after you thought you had it down.)

Finally, with all of this...and just to stress this- a Coach of any sort is that: just a coach. We can point you in the direction of how to get where you want to go, but you simply must choose health over any other attachments and then...do your work. We've done ours. We continue to do ours because we have to (this shit never stops...kewl!!!). As your coaches we should have done lots of this already and have a whole slew of places or processes we can refer you to that should help in the moving of the energy. But you've got to do this stuff or your sessions with us are a waste of your time and money....and if we are really good Tantrikas, we will eventually fire you if you don't do your work. It's the greatest gift we can offer you if you continue to choose to dis-empower yourself.

We cannot do this for you...cuz...we aren't goddesses. We're just folk who are interested in really weird stuff.