What Am I Worth?

Part 1 lives here.

Ah, yes, the money part. A consideration for both Courtesan and Gent. For each the considerations are potentially emotionally charged and an aspect of this kind of relationship that makes it interesting and spicy. It's not easy finding a way to put a price on this sort of service/relationship, partly because it is not easy to define.

I mentioned in the first part of this and other places that I had no idea what to charge. Being a business person I had a number of considerations. Some of them had to do with the way I thought the market might operate: "reality." Others had to do with self-limiting beliefs I had. I say beliefs here because I don't believe any of them were Truths, but since I believed them they had an impact on how I thought and operated. I also think that it takes time and walking through something oneself to learn it in the body, rather than it being just an idea of someone else's that is not "owned" (as I put it).

My considerations: I knew that at age 39 when I started, that I was outside the "typical" age range of most companions. Before expanding my horizons, I was in a small town. It is a town where much of the population is financially challenged. Although I know there is lots of money here, it's hidden. At any rate, I had no idea what an escort would charge here, had no basis for the market. I was seeking something different but had to create it as I had no references, no one led the way.

The Old Guy had done this kind of thing before. The arrangement there was that each provided the woman with a stipend. Then they divided the other expenses. One got her a car and maintained it for her. Another got her insurances, one paid for her apartment. I didn't have "others" so had to figure something out. I tried an hourly thing but did not work for me. I did get some regulars and had dramas, but it was not working in the way I wanted it to so I stepped away and percolated. After my hiatus for about nine months, I played with amounts and systems. While I did well and did not sleep with lots of men, it still took me a year to figure this out. I had my basis with the Old Guy so everything else was cream so I did it by playing, did it by taking chances and asking for things that I didn't think would work, but magically did.

By then I was 42 and online and read stuff by other escorts. I found the "Elites" of the day. I cannot remember what they called themselves, but as long as I have been online researching this, there has always been an website based association of very high end women. There was one woman whose site disappeared about five years back or so (I think.) She impressed the hell out of me. Called herself Agente Provacateuse and she and Jet Set Laura were both on two permutations of the groups, if memory serves me. Her site was very cool...very black, very minimalist, very little text, very few pictures of her and then only hints of a leg with stocking and garter. Or the curve of her back with very nice lingerie. She asked for a $6000 nonrefundable deposit for six months of communication with her, if I remember correctly and offered to deduct this intro fee from her $1,000,000,000.00 per day fee. Yup...you read that right...One Million USD per day. She had her used panties, stockings, and her shoes for sale. Cannot remember what they went for, but it was lots. Impressive.

Then there were the other Elites, but not that high. I remember Anne Marie, a brilliant geek, also on these sites, who says she was the first to set the standard for her asking price of $10,000 a day, with a two day minimum. There were others asking lower amounts, just as there is variety today. Many of the women had (and still do have) a certain price for a few hours, a day, a week. Many require a booking of at least four hours.

So how to go about figuring out what to ask for? It took me some time, but I eventually came up with my system. I would say that since I was a Mistress, I did not charge by the hour. I reminded them I was very exclusive and that I needed/wanted a certain lifestyle. Because of that, each person would need to be generous. I would ask them what their definition of generous was. Invariably, they would always ask me what I had in mind. At this point it would get tricky, and this was another good time to weed people out. I found very polite ways of letting them know that we had different definitions of generous, that I was open, but that I had a certain minimum that I needed, that they were welcome to gift me with more, but that any less than this and I would have to find more men than I wanted to be with. I would ask them if they wanted to know what the other men I was with had started with. And, of course they did.

I told them that as time went on things might shift and change, but that at the beginning there had to be some basic structure so that we both came into this with eyes wide open and in full agreement so that if things did not work out, no one would feel cheated. I said that I needed a minimum of a two day per month commitment at $XXXX.XX per day. That these sessions at first could be anywhere from one to five hours and that it was up to them as to how long they stayed. That after time, we could do an occasional overnight and that if we went on a trip, I would rely on their increased generosity. In addition, I have been gifted with computers, trips, clothing, jewelry, help with a house, retirement funds, etc., and while those were not expected, they were always appreciated. I reminded them of their commitment to staying in the relationship for at least six months but seeing it as probably lasting longer. And was this something they thought they would want to maintain for that period of time?*

Let me say something about my amounts here. It took me awhile to ask for the amount I got. I did it in increments. I was a business woman with a clear eye on certain considerations and beliefs I had. Being practical, and taking into account everything that I wanted, I did not feel I could ask for the level of money that an Elite gets. I did not believe that people would want to sustain that level of gifting for the commitment I was asking for.** I felt I had to consider the market and that I was "older." I wanted a long term commitment. I had all sorts of conditions on who I was willing to do this with and I believed all these things diminished my pool of potential patrons. I was not willing to go through tons of occasional clients to find the regulars. I had limited access to the Very Rich. I intuited that as time went by, the gifting would increase, and I was correct. By the time of my Golden Days, when I met George, the Big Guy, Ari, and Albert, I was asking for the same amount that an upscale (but not $5k per day) Escort would ask for a dinner engagement in the Bay Area as my base gifting. Sometimes the gents would stay all five hours, usually they only stayed three, often only two hours. The gifting remained the same every month at the minimum two days per month. If for some reason they missed a day and gave notice, I would be sure to keep that in mind and we would make it up sometime within the next six months at their convenience. I asked for them to give me a date that worked for them that I could rely on the money being gifted and that if they could not make it by that date any particular month to please let me know so I did not worry about it. That I was uncomfortable having to ask and didn't want it to be an issue.

Once all was agreed to, we would meet for the minimum of two lunches. I did these gratis because I did not want any obligations on my part, thought it only fair to meet them half way in the deciding phase. I also wanted them to see that this was more to me than just money, they were more than an ATM. Talk is talk, but action really speaks, even if on an unconscious level.

And this is how I operated until August when Albert finally parted as Patron. It had gotten to the point that even though The Big Guy and Ari had left, and I only had the last three those last six, seven years, that I had the relationships I wanted. We were close. I felt I made an impact on their lives. I had created my vision and gone beyond what I had originally thought possible. I was always concerned that one of them might have to leave so I did searches from time to time to see if there were any others that were a match, but I did not find anyone else. I can look to "trends" and "reality" and say then the market had changed, and there were tons, bazillions of women out there wanting to do the same thing, but were far less picky and willing to do it for much less money than I was and my vehicle for finding men is not what it was before. But the truth is also that I did find a few who were open, but I changed in those last years. I had begun to move on internally so my energy was not there. But that is another topic.

Lately I have been pondering as I look around, read blogs, listen to women speak. I have started to play with ideas about marketing on here in previous posts because I love these kinds of challenges. I have been wondering: how would I do it today?

to be continued...

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*I never phrased it as "could they" afford this, but rather would they want to.

**I now see this as a limiting and incorrect belief. I think that it can happen. I still believe that the market is very small for this, however.